How Not To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend

Gawd, even that word (ex-boyfriend) makes me uncomfortable.

I am letting you know right now that I am stupidstupidstupid. I'm back at home for a few days and of course, I still miss him. Of course, when I find that my lovely mum has bought me new bright yellow bedsheets, the first thing I think of is him. Oh, I wish he were here to see this, see how they have a slight shine to them. I wish he could come over and feel how soft they are. Oh honey, don't they remind you of those fancy hotel bedsheets that are always so smooth? Oh, remember that time we were at that bed and breakfast or that hotel? Or all this other neat stuff we did that involved nice bedsheets?

Stupidstupidstupid.

Look Shirley, he's not here and he really doesn't give a damn. No one cares about your new bedsheets, certainly not him.

And you know what's even stupider? After sleeping in those new, happy yellow sheets and dreaming about him all freaking night long, waking up at 9:30 in the morning and calling him because I miss him. Now, that is stupid. Yeah, so I called him. And no, I had no idea what would come of it and yes, I was nervous to the point where I wanted to hang up when it started to ring. But no, I didn't hang up. Instead, I clutched the phone so tightly that my knuckles turned white and when he answered I took a breath and all I could say was, "Hi." I smiled a bit, it was nice to hear his voice again.

He did not sound happy to hear from me.

Whaaat?? I MISS HIM GODDAMMIT! Is it so wrong for me to call and see how he is? He may be a big fan of just cutting people out of his life, but I will have everyone know that I do not like that. If someone is or was even remotely important to you, you do not remove them like some unwanted thing in a surgery. I am not a tumor!

I know, I know, maybe I shouldn't have called. We didn't really have anything to say and oops, I may have woken up the two girls who were sleeping in his room. Does he throw these little things in knowing that it'll hurt me to hear them? Who in the hell wants to hear that the man they love and who just broke up with them is now having girls sleep over all the time? Oh yes, of course they're Just Friends. Isn't everyone Just Friends? Except me and him. Which is funny, because we're supposed to be Friends. And we were for a little bit until for some reason he stopped replying to e-mails and posts and pretended like I didn't exist. So maybe the phone call was to remind him that I am. Still here. I'm still interested in being your friend. And yeah, I miss you.

It even got to the point where he mumbled something and it sounded like he had said, "I miss you". (Really? Ohmygod, you miss me? Oh Jason, I miss you too!)

Sorry, what was that?
I didn't say anything.
Oh.

Of course not. Of course he didn't say anything. Of course you just made that up in your head. Of course he doesn't miss you. He's got two girls to sleep with and talk to before bed. What have you got? Sunshine yellow sheets.

His are hospital green. And he has another set that has Snoopy all over them. No, not incredibly sexy, but cute and endearing as hell. Do they think that too? Do they borrow his clothes to sleep in? Are they wearing the t-shirts I used to wear? His boxer shorts? My favourite pair? Do they see the things that I gave him in the room? Are those things even there anymore? I know that room inch by inch. Whenever he couldn't find anything he called me before he even started to look for it. Yes, you have an iron. It's in the third drawer in that plastic storage thing! Battery charger? Last time I saw it it was on the floor next to your phone. And then he would do his heh-heh-oh-yeahhh chuckle, say Thanks Honeee and hang up. I know his books, the piles of clothes on the floor. Random relationship memorabilia here and there. Did he clean it all up for them?

Stupidstupidstupid. The phone just rang and it was a long distance call. My heart skipped a beat because I thought it might be him. "Hello, this is a courtesy call from RBC Royal Bank."

Of course not. It'll never be him again.
12:36 pm