Monday, February 28, 2005
Sick As Death

I've discovered that the best way to give yourself a really great ab workout is to develop a really terrible cough that leaves you clutching your stomach on the floor gasping for air. Nothing else gets your muscles to clench like that. It's the kind where you're afraid to breath deep or through your mouth at all lest it trigger something or tickle in any way that would start another fit of phlegmy coughing. But this will prove to be impossible because your nose is all stubbed ub and in fact, your entire head feels like it's filled with a heavy green mucous. And when you sneeze, it feels like it's trying to escape through every orifice possible. It's gross and you may think it's funny, but it's so very true.

And here I am, not on meds, throwing back the Fishermen's Friends, having not seen a doctor (yet), constantly rubbing Vaseline on my dry, cracking lips and sore, sore nose, stuffing toilet paper up my nostrils. How attractive.

It's way past my bedtime and I'm lying to myself, Oh yeah, I'll finish this essay, no problem. When I know that clearly, I will check my e-mail too often, chat on MSN and write gross blog entries about my mucous. Who am I kidding? I'm going to bed.