Tuesday, November 30, 2004
The Months Don't Matter, It's The Days I Can't Take
Peaceful, happy days from camping in September.
During my 3.5 hour shift at work last night, I did about half an hour of real, boring and menial office work. The rest of the time was spent either with a mug of tea in a swivel chair, chatting to my boss about boys and life, or decorating the center for Christmas. Sometimes I can't believe I'm being paid for this kind of stuff.
The fear and self-loathing, although still existing in great quantities, has largely been overcome by a lot of sadness. Going to sleep at night is hard and so is getting up in the morning, even though it's sunny outside. Waking up to face what my life has become is getting harder everyday, at least in sleep I'm unconscious.
My body is doing a lot of things to surprise me. I find I can run for many hours or almost a full day on just 3 hours of sleep and a granola bar. My appetite has completely disappeared, and only after 13 hours and two snacks does it feel hungry. I guess this is the perfect time to try that fasting dealie I've always wanted to.
I know that This Too Shall Pass and that Things Always Get Better With Time...it's just that time is moving very slowly these days.