Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Trying to Scam The Library? Just Don't

I need to go to the library, I need to go to the library. And so I go. I read and research and wander and research and need to borrow some books. And so I do...until I realized that I have an outstanding overdue fee of $11.25 that I didn't want to pay. My plan? Fill out a form, get a new card and go scot-free!

Me: Hi, I'd like to register for a new library card please.
Clerk: Oh, is it for you?
Me: Uhh - no, it's for my mom. I've...never had one before.
Clerk: Okay, well can I get your phone number please?
Me: 123-456-7890 *I'm not putting my real number on the internet*
Clerk: Oh! Are you Shirley? Well it looks like you already have one under your name!
Me: Oh! Heh heh...yeah...that must be, uhh, the one I lost. Yeah, I lost that one a while ago. So can I just have a new one please?
Clerk: Well, it costs $2 to replace a lost card. And with your current fees, that'll be $13.25.
Me: How about I just pay the fee, and not get a replacement card? I won't be here in September anyway.
Clerk: Well, you need a library card if you want to borrow those books.
Me: Aw jeez. Hey! Look at this! I've got my brother's card in my back pocket, can I just use this one?
Clerk:...Alright. *scanscanscan* You can tell your brother that he owes $6.50.
Me: Oy.

And in regards to the actual paying of the late fees:

Me: Uhm, I don't have any cash on me, only Interac. Would I be able to pay it the next time I'm here?
Clerk: Oh, we just got our new debit machine in!
Me: Oy vey.

There was just no way out. At least my money went towards a good cause.