Dilemma

When I was in high school I thrived in the world of the extra-curricular. I joined almost every club/group/organization possible, from band and choir and music council to student council and DECA (business club-type thing)and Classics club. I was President of this, on the executive of that and did something important for the other thing. I organized Parents' Nights and ran Cancer Canvassing Campaigns. I volunteered with the community and charities and eventually I joined the rugby team because sports was the one thing I hadn't done yet during my five years there.

You can say it - I was an overachiever.

And I'm proud. I was proud then and I am to this day of all the things that I've done. I did what I liked, got to learn and try all sorts of new things and later on, people recognized me for that. So naturally, when I came to Laurier, my first instinct was to find all the neat clubs and councils and join them. Which I did. I was President of this, sat on a bunch of councils for that and volunteered for a bunch of other things. And the truth is, I loved it.

Then I got onto important boards and councils and started doing things that made me feel detached from whatever purpose I was supposed to be serving. Meetings went from fun to boring, and I didn't feel like I meant anything - I was just another human body in the room with a stack of papers in front of her. I didn't feel anything for these groups. I didn't feel like I made any sort of contribution, that they could be doing just fine if I wasn't there (and they did because I wasn't there very often) and really, I just didn't love it enough. I've realized that if you don't love something (or someone) enough, you should and have every right to leave. If you don't, you put a half-assed effort into whatever relationship you have and it falls apart because you simply don't. care.

But what of responsibility? What do you do if it was an elected position and you're supposed to be a Senator for another year? People are expecting things of you. Do I choose me or my responsibility?

The things I did in high school, (most of) the things I did last year and some of the things I did this year, I love. And I'll go back every year until I leave this place. I don't want to stop being a part of the Fringe Festival or the Vagina Monologues or a Note-taker for Accessible Learning Center. I'm excited to be an Ambassador and a writer for the student paper. I take part because I want to, not because I need to. A friend and I told each other last week that we felt like we were growing up, that we could almost feel maturity seeping under our skin. Not because we stopped going out to bars and giggling with friends, but becuase we're starting to make decisions that make us feel better. The two of us put others first for a long time, and now we're realizing that we need to do things that matter to us because we matter too.

Here's to hoping it all works out.
12:39 pm