Strange(r)

Sometimes I think I'm doing okay, that I'm Over It and Moving On. And for the most part, I am. But every now and then I relapse because of a silly thing like how he didn't say Happy Birthday, or coming across old love notes when I'm cleaning my room. Even though it's been months and we haven't talked in ages, I still expect us to eventually. I know I'm being silly. I'm angry at my hope. Those might just be the saddest five words I've ever written.

I don't know if this helps or makes things worse, but what I keep reminding myself of are the words that Counsellor Lindsay said to me those many months ago: People just don't care. I was trying to explain why I blog to her, that it feels like a weight has been lifted off me when I write and that it's a wonderful way to reach out to people and have them reach back. She tried to understand, but instead slapped me with a bit of harsh reality. People just don't care. And it's funny because sometimes I think she's right.

But then I get an e-mail from Zev or Tara, near-complete strangers who started reading my blog a few months ago. I chat with Zoli, a not-so-much stranger anymore because though we met through my blog, we've kept in touch over the last two years. The same with Leah. I get a gift from someone who just decided one day that he'd like to send me something from my Wishlist. Will once sent me an e-mail with just four words: Shirley, You are great. I got tons of support during my break ups from virtual strangers like Mace and Trish. Once a stranger, Chris asked me out for a non-creepy coffee after reading just one sad post. And suddenly, I can't think that people don't care because I have evidence that they do.

With the exception of C, the one thing that I've noticed is that they are all people that I do not 'know' - though now I can say that I know them a bit better than at first. They are all from different parts of the world and I've never met any of them in person - we 'met' and maintain our friendships online. And I think that it's nicer that way. I don't know what it is about strangers, bloggers, or blog-readers, but I've realized that you have an amazing ability to make me happy, often in different (but still wonderful) ways than the people I know in real life. You've shown me that sometimes, people do care, even if they are far away, even if it is just a little bit. For that, I want you to know that though we may never be in the same place at the same time, I feel something that can only be described as a very deep appreciative love for all of you, and for everything, I thank you. So very, very much.
7:22 pm