You're Making Me Blush

One of the most awkward things that I will ever do is shop for lingerie with a male. A family member male. But these circumstances set the scene for the afternoon shopping adventure that I went on with my uncle the other day. It started off innocently enough, going to the mall to pick up non-embarrassing items like movie packages and bus tickets. But he told me that the Jacob Outlet was having a liquidation sale, and, letting The Girl Factor in me rise to previously unknown heights, I said that we should drive all the way to the other end of town so I could look at cheap clothes even though I had just said to him that I didn't want to do anymore shopping. I did think that it wasn't a completely selfish act because surely he could find cheap liquidated items as well! Apparently Jacob only sells women's clothing. I seriously hadn't noticed before.

So the poor man wanders into a store next door, comes to check on me in a bit and there I am with five skirts and two tops in my arms waiting to get into the dressing rooms. He tells me he's going to Home Depot and that he'll be back for me later. When he comes back I've gotten rid of the skirts and the shirts but I've moved onto lingerie and sensing the impending awkwardness, I say, "I'm almost done I swear! But I want to try on some more thingies," hoping that he'll get the idea that I'll be a little while longer and go into some other more masculine store. Not so much. He decides to hang around. So there I am, flipping through lacy, see-through numbers in light pink, hot pink and the ever popular black, looking for my size with my uncle standing right beside me. I'm trying to move as fast as I can but the spaghetti straps get caught in the hangers and the silky things start slipping to the floor. I am obviously flustered.

Even in retrospect, I'm not sure if what happened next made things more or less awkward: He asked me whether I thought his girlfriend would like anything. Normally, if I'm shopping with friends, I'd have no problem helping the guy pick out something nice for his girlfriend, but this is my uncle we're talking about. It's bad enough that I'm buying things for me in front of him, but I do not, repeat: do not, want to help my uncle pick out his girlfriend's sex clothes. But there was no backing out. I tried so so hard not to think about it too much, but she's even the same size as me and he ended up getting her the same styles in two of the same colours that I picked out. I mean, I'm comfortable with my uncle and all, but not that comfortable. *insert polite shudder here*
10:19 pm