Moving On But Holding Back

He likes you. His friends tell you that he doesn't normally act that way around girls - they say that they can definitely tell by the way he looks at you. But you don't know him or them and you don't let yourself trust their words.

When you first met J during your job training, she said to you that you'd be perfect for her best friend, K. You're both sweet and nice and fully deserving of someone else who is sweet and nice. You laughed it off because you had only talked to her for a few hours and how can she tell that you'd be perfect for him within hours of meeting? But she wouldn't let it go and almost every time you talked to her he came up. Three months later you give in and drive down to Hamilton with her to watch boys you don't know play baseball. Is this a ruse to set us up together? you asked. No, I just want my two good friends to meet each other, that's all. she replied. You laugh. Yeah, right.

When he sees you at the baseball diamond he runs up to you and hugs you tightly. He breathes deep and flirts shamelessly with you for the rest of the night. He's funny, easy-going and has no problem acting like you're a couple already. He buys you drinks, holds your hand and cuddles with you on the couch. He offers you his arm as you walk down the street. You loop through awkwardly and he laughs. You're supposed to put your arm here - hold it like this. You laugh. Well, it's been a while since I linked arms with a boy while taking a walk at night. Truthfully, you can't even remember the last time anyone offered. He wants to take you on The Most Romantic Date In The World. He knows you like picnics and own a full picnic kit and basket that you've never used. He promises you a limerick by the end of the night.

He picked you up last night to go to a club in Toronto with a bunch of his friends. He dances. He smiles at you with his big eyes and tells you that you're cute. You despise being called cute so he calls you sexy for the rest of the night. He thinks you're gorgeous.

There might be something there, but you're holding back. You have fun together, but every time you're with him you're almost as nervous as the first time when J was trying to set you up. She doesn't need to do the work anymore though. He likes you. And you might like him, but you're still treading on eggshells, trying to figure out if he's being sincere or if he's just like the other guys who seem sweet and nice on the outside and turn out to be everything but on the inside. The truth is, you're doing everything you shouldn't do when you're trying to move on - you're still thinking about him. You're comparing every new guy to him and it's unhealthy as all hell but you can't stop. You want to though and hope that one day you'll be able to.

This morning he fingered the ring and locket that still hangs around your neck. Does this open? he asked. Pause. It used to.
5:26 pm