Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Hrm.

You know, for once I'd like to wake up on a grey sky morning and NOT feel like utter crap. Some days I feel like a mush that's been paved out onto my bed and all I can do is lie there, completely immobile, and stare at the wall. Today, the sun is out and I still lay there for an hour before I got myself up and out of my bed. I think something is wrong here.

I've known for a long time that the weather affects my mood - when it's sunny outside, I'm usually in a good mood, chipper and all that. When it's dreary, I can get mopey and if it's dreary and rainy for many days in a row, then there's little to no hope of me getting happy over anything really.

The roomie said to me last week that she hadn't seen me happy in a really long time. Oh god. You've noticed? You can tell? Yes, you're crabby all the time and you sound like you're annoyed by everything. She consistently asks if I'm in a bad mood or says, I hope you're happy. What? Happy with what? Nothing, I just hope you're happy today. Oh god. This is not good people. I think something is wrong here.

And I can feel it too - I'm serious all the time, I consider going out for lunch with friends 'appointments', my agenda is way packed and I have to 'schedule fun'. The thought of cheesecake doesn't do it for me anymore. I hope that one of the following will fix this soon:

- the sun! Where the goddamn are you?
- a weekend with Annia
- Christmas
- summer - why can't it be summer all year long?
- a vacation to somewhere far, far, FAR away (tropical, preferably)
- moving out of the country (to somewhere where it's summer all year round)
- happy pills? I think something is wrong here.