Woe Is Me

For the last few days I've been wanting to write something about a new boy that I met, but I've re-realized that feelings are lame. Lame I say, LAME! They're a waste of time and they frustrate the heck out of me.

But here's the thing - he's cute and nice, funny and fun to be around and he's, oh I don't know, GREAT. I met him once in the fall - October methinks - and we instantly clicked over music and the recent Yellowcard concert we had both attended. I liked his style, the cut of his jib if you will. Whatever a jib is. And then I never hung out with them again and he and the roomie became awesomely close friends. I never saw him except for a couple times when he came to pick her up or drop her off or whatever. I did realize what a wonderfully good friend he was (and still is) though. A week ago, I met him again over cheap tacos and since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about him.

Oh how cute, you're thinking. No, no, no! This is awful! This is bad bad bad news people. I can't concentrate on my work, in my classes, when I'm watching movies, when I'm doing anything! I've seen him five days out of the last seven and I don't want to stop seeing him. When I found out his cat died, I asked him what his favourite colour and saying were and then I made him a card that included his favourite colour and saying. I stopped by his place today just to say hi. I try to flirt (a little). When I talk to him I'm (slightly) funny and caring and understanding of the junk he's going through with his ex-girlfriend so that I'm being the Supercool Supportive Friend. When we actually make eye contact I hold it for as long as possible before he looks away because his eyes are just that green.

I want to punch myself.

You see, I don't like it when I like people because I get obsessed and I turn into this giddy-nervous-excited-jealous-anxious thirteen year old child. Like right now for example. WHY do I even like him? There's no concrete reasons and I really only met him a week ago for goodness' sake! I don't want to neglect important things like sleep so that I can stay up with him, I don't want to think about touching him all the time (not in that way, but in the way where I can hold his hand and stroke his arm and put our faces together and run my hands down his back), I don't want to wonder what it's like to kiss him or how nice it would be to rest my head on his tummy or have his rest on mine. But I do anyway.

What are the chances even? Slim, nil, good? What are the signs? Have there been any signs? Do I believe in signs? Is he this way with all other girls? Am I being 'too much'? Should I play it cool or hard to get? What if he thinks I'm not interested, but I really am? What does it mean when he does that? What if he doesn't sit beside me? What if he greets me nonchalantly? What does it all mean? What what WHAAAT!

Achem. But I digress.

So. I like him. And sometimes, I wish I didn't because it really is too premature to tell and really, this is driving me crazy. And no, I'm not mature enough to just come out and tell him - I need more time to marinate in this to make sure it's worth jeopardizing a friendship for. The roomie tells me that I should try superhard to stop thinking about him while I still can, before it's too late. Problem: I think it might already be too late.
12:01 am