Money Matters

I'm one of those people who can't remember the last time they had to worry about money. I sometimes did when I was a kid because my parents were always fighting about it, but it was really more of a 'wondering what the big deal is' kind of worry. I never had an allowance - the only money I received from my parents was a nickel or a dime for every A that I got on my report card. So, that was about 50 cents two times a year. As a 13 year old with no financial responsibilities, I suppose that an annual income of $1 was livable. Two weeks after I turned 16 I got a job and once I started raking in my own hard-earned cash, I never thought twice about spending it. My parents never spoiled me, so I supposed I started doing it myself. Now, that's not to say that I wasn't wise about it, not to say that I didn't shop when I knew there were sales, or that I never wrestled with other middle-aged women for cheap buys on Boxing Day, or that I never clipped coupons or bought no-name brand stuff or argued with cashiers when I knew something was on sale even though the difference was twenty cents. I was thrifty and proud of it – for years, I bought used CDs for $5 when they were upwards of $20 in the stores, and I never spent more than $10 on a top. I still have collection of shirts and sweaters where, when people say something nice about it, I gloat, “This was $7! At Bluenotes! I know!!”

Then I dated someone who spoiled me seventeen ways from Sunday for almost two years. I didn't quite realize it at the time because I often think that I'm more old-fashioned than I recognize, and at times, it just felt right for him to pay for dinner or for the plane tickets or for the registration fees. He hardly ever took a penny from his parents and sustained himself…somehow. He worked, but it never seemed like he worked that much and yet he was able to afford all sorts of neat things, for him and for me. It was admirable. I'm much the same way now – I can't remember the last time my parents paid for my rent, or my tuition. He showed me how great financial independence was and taught me a lot about generosity (I will always believe he is one of the most generous people I’ve ever met, ever) and how nice it feels to treat someone to something when they don't expect it. I learned how to give, really.

So I started doing it more and more. Buying people drinks here and there, treating people to lunches and dinners and tea and sometimes, a professional massage. I buy random gifts and spend an insane amount of money at Christmas. I know what it's like to be nice to myself and it feels great to want something and be able to afford it. My second camera and accessories were $512. It costs me $50 every time I get waxed. I spent $131 on a fancy family dinner at the top of the CN Tower. I never asked for the $25 that someone owed me from a set of theater tickets I picked up for them. I forgot that someone owed me $10 from two weekends ago. I dropped $265 in a second when I heard about the big earthquake in Pakistan last year. I bought $60 worth of seafood in Seattle and shipped it home for my dad's birthday. I blink and $200 has turned itself into tickets for The Nutcracker. I spent $120 on wooden bird and alphabet stamps and Hello tags from an artsy paper store in Vancouver that I still haven't used. Ridiculous stuff like that. $60 on seafood. $120 on wooden stamps. Stamps.

I'm lucky. I've lived a pretty luxurious life for a 22 year old – I don't know many others who travel so much and go skydiving and put themselves through school and go shopping and buy whatever they want (within reason, except for the stamp incident). I skip school to go to concerts, see plays and musicals and the symphony, I eat at fancy restaurants whenever the mood strikes me, I drink wine and order dessert. I buy books often, go on roadtrips with friends, treat myself to a chai latte if I want one, spend whatever I want on groceries. I have a sleek, new lappytop, and a new iPod. I've never had to think twice about purchases, at least not for very long. Like that time I bought a guitar one day after school while running errands at the mall, or all those times when I saw a pretty dress in a display window, tried it on and bam, I was sold and so was it.

It may not seem like it, but on a day to day basis, I actually don't spend a thing at all. I always pack lunch, don't buy food at the campus food court and I hardly ever go shopping so I can't really buy clothing – I still own clothes that I've had since I was 17. Both of my school bags are from my little brother; one is a backpack he used for a year or two in Grade 9 or 10, and the other is a messenger bag that he got for free off Asian Avenue, back when it was popular with all the cool kids (ie: geeky Asians in high school). The bike I'm using to get to and from school right now was also my little brother's when he was 10. I haven't bought winter shoes in about four years. The Thrift is still strong within me (see: love for hand-me-downs), so I usually skimp on the brand name stuff and opt for the sale racks because I'd rather not be a walking billboard, thanks, but there are some things that I just really don't want to pay for (ie: to have AE or GUESS scrawled in block letters across my chest). My spending habits are varied, random, sporadic, but when it happens I suppose I tend to go big. I saw my random purchases as something that enhanced my life and made it into something that I enjoyed. I may not have brand name clothing, but I travel and see and do lots, and never stress.

And so when I started seeing someone who never bought anything frivolous, who always opted for the cheaper, who never treated me to anything, who sometimes didn't even bother to go to an ATM before we went out so that he would have enough cash to go Dutch, I didn't quite understand it. Ignorant, judgmental and snobbish of me, perhaps, but I struggled with the fact that, Well, didn't he know how nice it felt to give someone something? No strings attached, it's just on me so don't worry about it? I don't mind splitting the cost and I've never wanted a boy to pay for everything all the time, but it's nice when they at least offer. For the most part I understood why he couldn't, but at the same time his excuse of being a hoarder never took away my wish that he had taken me somewhere nice for something, or at least thanked me for the tea or the movie tickets or for dinner.

And now, this is the part when Life mixes things up a bit and I get a taste of my own damn medicine.

I realized a few mornings ago that I'm officially operating under a debt. One that is a bit larger than I thought. I was about to pay my credit card bill of $2353.65 when I realized that I DON'T HAVE TWO THOUSAND FIFTY THREE DOLLARS AND SIXTY FIVE CENTS in my bank account. It was the MacBook and the iPod that threw me over. Maybe it was the $80 in book-art purchases, maybe it was the $211 DCFC tickets, maybe it was the $150 belly dancing lessons too. I did a double take. I've always been able to pay my bills, I've always had enough money – how did this happen? Travelling and spending for two months and not working is how. I suppose it's my own damn fault. When I refused that tuition cheque from my parents, I didn't think that it would help me cover the new computer and thus, leave me worry-free for the semester. And it's as if the Fates are working against me because for the first time since first year, I'm not working while I'm in school – giving campus tours pays a bit, but it's a very small bit, and I can't live off the $40 that I get every two weeks.

What of New York? Or the other road trips I want to take? Will I not skydive before the winter sets in? What of all the other things I want to do! But, I need winter boots and a coat with a hood and I'm running out of cereal! It's my turn to buy the milk! Mother of God, I worried. I'm still worrying. I know that I have another credit card bill coming in the mail next month, I know that I have expenses, like groceries and utility bills. I'll never be able to justify getting another chai latte, or a snack from the café between classes. I won't be able to take friends out for dinner when it's their birthday, I won't let myself buy drinks from the bar. I want to bake, but that means buying the ingredients. I don't even want to spend the $4 that it costs to do laundry at the Landromat. I'm definitely stressing.

What to do? I returned $60 worth of books that I bought, broke out the emergency fund and lo – I have paid the bill. If I return that vest I bought, then I'll have another $30 or so, but that's cancelled out by the cable bill that I still owe money for. Now I have a glorious $56.23 to get by on until I somehow acquire more funds. I hope it doesn't start to snow again because I'll be in my Mary Janes for a bit longer than I thought. Oh my. Time to get back to my roots and start Thrifting again.
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