Anger Management

It is grey and wet and dreary outside, which seems entirely appropriate because today has been one of those days where I have no sunshine left for anyone. As if my heavy footsteps and loud clacking heels on the floor have not been enough warning, I'm going to give you another one now: Cross my path at your own peril, I may rip your face off if you piss me off more than I already am. I can't explain it, but I'm all huffing and puffing and I'm walking extra fast and hard which makes my bitchy scowl even more intimidating as I authoritatively stomp down the halls.

My ADD has gone haywire and for the life of me I cannot concentrate on a thing. It took me two and half hours to read one chapter in my marketing text and I gave up on studying for the test I had today. I've got a lot of something all rattled up inside and for someone who has no sunshine, I feel like I could bounce off the walls. I plug into my iPod in hopes that my music can calm me down. As a side note, check out the Handsome Furs because they're amazing (I've had their album on repeat the whole afternoon and evening with only one half hour break during which I listened to Arabic music because thinking of belly dancing makes me vaguely happy). Man, music out of Montreal rocks (see also Stars and Metric) and apparently can cure homicidal tendencies in high-strung twenty-somethings.

Speaking of homicidal tendencies, I'd blame it on the weather and SAD, but I just know that a major contributing factor is as simple as this: group work. I never would have thunk it, especially because I thought I was getting better at this whole work-with-other-people thing, but apparently not. At least not when one of them gets all smart-ass and demanding and writing emails in capital letters to me because she's freaking out and can't handle the fact that the universe does not work according to her schedule and neither does Microsoft and their new version of Word that is NOT COMPATIBLE WITH OLDER VERSIONS. Because honestly? Get a grip and re-effing-LAX. I did my work and I did it GOOD and better than the other two in our group and you know what else? I also did the whole PowerPoint presentation BY MYSELF for nearly five hours yesterday so number one: don't complain about how nobody is helping you because we're in the same boat and number two: don't you dare CC your yelling emails to the others in the group making me seem like the one who has done nothing because I HAVE NO SUNSHINE LEFT FOR YOU TODAY.

My god, I think I need a grip too. Or maybe a paper bag? Whatever. I have my Handsome Furs and only two more weeks of school left.

I chose to walk to campus as opposed to taking the bus because I felt I needed to provide some sort of outlet for whatever is pent up. And then I came on here. I think what I really need is a Break Room. (I wish I knew the website for the group that created The Break Room, but I can't remember it.) Basically, sometime between the last Saturday and Sunday of September I went into a well-protected room lined with all sorts of breakables wearing a set of coveralls, work gloves, goggles and a helmet, and carried in my hands a golf club. I had thirty seconds to smash anything and everything in sight. Oh boy, you can bet that I went to town in that little room. I whopped things so hard that I actually broke the golf club. I even, without any intention, let out a horrifyingly loud scream of rage. I had no idea I was even that angry. I came out shaking afterwards because of all the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins. It was sort of a surreal experience that I had to digest later on. But I can say this for sure: It felt really good.

So maybe that's why I have a renewed interest in athletics this term (man, cycle fit sure is good for your thighs) and love that my aerobics class has a bit of kick-boxing mixed in to it. I need some sort of outlet for my very expressive anger and walking quickly and loudly to school and then blogging about it just isn't going to do it.
6:34 pm