I Don't Seem Obvious Do I-I-ah-ah-ah-I?

Lemme tell y'all a little sumpin' sumpin': I've been just a bit miserable lately.

Yeah yeah, I know you're all sick of hearing me whine, but this is going somewhere good. I think. So, I've been miserable and repressing a lot of crap which is no good for anyone because then it manifests itself into a big Repression Monster that resurfaces when I'm feeling particularly honest and vulnerable and then I stay on MSN until four in the morning on a school night telling everyone I'm lonely and pouring my heart out to people I wouldn't normally pour my heart out to.

So here's the deal: I'm going to take a quick minute and talk quickly about things I said I wouldn't talk about again because I thought I Was So Over It, but it turns out I'm So Not, but it's only going to last a very short time. Promise. I've been having dreams about J again which blows monkey balls because it's apparent that my mind has kidnapped him and is keeping him prisoner in my head, where I DO NOT WANT HIM because I think I'm pretty justified in saying that it's totally my turn to move on and it's pretty gosh-darned hard if my subconscious is flaunting him at me in my sleep. So that's one reason for me not feeling so hot lately.

Reason numero duo is Mr. McGreenEyes who hasn't talked to me in nearly a month because I think I scared him off with my honesty. This bugs me lots because he just stopped cold turkey; just like that and we're not friends anymore. Man, is that so Grade 6 or what? I know I'm not really losing anything by not being his friend, except for my chance at being a band groupie because he's in a band, but I'm still friends with the lead singer, so HA. It all just reminds me of J (yay) because he did the whole Cutting Me Out Of His Life Thing and I'm just shocked that it keeps happening to me (I'm feeling more and more tumourous as the days go on).

So picture all of the above making me sad. Picture me coming home from class and sitting here doing nothing because I'm sad. Then, it's time for my night class, I plug into my Discman (I'm Old School) and I'm walking to school in the rain and all I can think is, Wow pathetic fallacy! It's dark and rainy on the outside AND on the inside! Yay literary device!

Then the most miraculous thing happens. I get happy. There I am, walking to night class alone in the dark, I'm wet from the rain because I have no umbrella, I'm listening to the saddest Jimmy Eat World song ever and I'm happy! I walked right into a giant puddle without noticing and my left pant leg got soaked - I laughed! WOW, I thought to myself, I haven't been miserable in ages! This feels GREAT! I get to class (for the first time since mid-February) and not only do I manage to stay awake for the entire three hours, I ENJOY IT. Wow, Operations Management is great! I make friends with the girl beside me because I know how to use the big scary Normal Distribution chart in the back of the textbook and she doesn't, I get a free coffee from Tim Horton's and it's yummy because I put lots of sugar in it - Wow, coffee is great! I got happy for no reason! For freaks' sake!

This was The Second Best Part: Remember that day I made Dale? Yeah, I took time out of studying for my business midterm to do that. That day, I sat in a computer lab on campus for HOURS trying to, but not, studying for this massive exam. Instead, I browsed blogs, made Dale, and checked my email about seven million times. I even ended up being fifteen minutes late for this exam because I didn't manage to pull myself together until it was too late and I ran around campus trying to find a printer - yada yada, it's a long story. So there I am, A Mess! I hadn't studied all day, I wasn't ready for the exam, I was freaking LATE for it, and I even skipped two or three questions because I just didn't know how to answer them. I was convinced that I failed. I got that sucker back in class tonight and peeps, I totally got a solid A-!

I know I know, I'm a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker who really shouldn't get away with doing so well in school when I clearly don't deserve to, but eh, what can I do? Don't hate me because I'm fabulous.

So there I am, Happy! Not to mention the fact that my insides are fucking doing laps around my heart because my body is totally not used to having caffiene and that much sugar in it all at once. So class ends and this is The Best Part: I plug into some more Jimmy Eat World, I crank Authority Song waaaay up and I fucking DANCE MY WAY HOME. I'm freaking singing OUT LOUD TO MYSELF through campus and on the sidewalks, as I jaywalk across the road and to the cars that pass me...

Oh I'm here, that means something doesn't it?
Oh won't you dance with me a little bit?
Oh you don't notice, I guess the music's too lou-ou-oud.
It's how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows.
Do I-I-ah-ah-ah-ah...
Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song".
Do I-I-ah-ah-ah-ah...
Honesty or mystery?
Tell me I'm not scared anymore.
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah...
Say anything you want already I'm not scared anymore.
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah...
Honesty or mystery?
Want something else?
Just tell me I'm not scared anymore.
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah
I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I-I-ah-ah-ah-I?
I don't seem obvious do I?

I swear. I'm bipolar. Cut me out of your life while you still can!
11:33 pm