How Much More Can I Apologize For?

I have deemed today "Declaration Sunday" because today, I declare something. And that something is this: I never want to be famous. I take back anything I ever said about wanting to be famous, because I don't anymore! Being in the media isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, people may start thinking that you're cool, but when something you say makes someone angry and they make someone else angry and they make you angry (and sad), it isn't good.

At the end of the article, I said a little something about wanting to work for the Cancer Society or any other non-profit organization that funds medical research or feeds the homeless etc. I also said that my goal is to ensure a larger percentage of donations goes towards the actual cause and not to administrative purposes. It's true, that's what I think, and honestly...doesn't everyone think that?

Anyway, this lady from the CCS calls Mr. Caswell on Friday and was polite, but upset that I had said those things about the society. So he got upset. And then he pulled me out of calc to make me upset. Da dada dada, a few moments later, I'm crying because I feel so bad about what happened and Mr. Caswell isn't doing anything to make it better (in fact, I think he tried to make it worse).

Look, all I can say is I'm sorry and I didn't mean it like that...because I didn't. Really. And I don't know what else I can say to make this any better. I wasn't even talking about the CCS specifically, I was speaking about organizations in general...and...I...*sigh* I know it's April, Daffodil/Cancer Month, I didn't mean to make them sound bad or look bad and I didn't mean to tarnish the relationship LEAD has with the society, and I just didn't mean to do any harm! Someone asked me a question and I answered. How did it end up like this?

Anyway, I'm asking the Economist to print a little apology and some info about the CCS's distribution of funds, and I'm going to write a letter apologizing to the society.

The Canadian Cancer Society is a private non-profit organization, funded by donations from the public and money raised through our fundraising activities. The Canadian Cancer Society would not be able to offer these services or fund important research without the generous help of donors and volunteers. The Canadian Cancer Society makes the best use of every donated dollar, keeping administration costs low in order to fund research and provide community services to help people living with cancer and their families and friends. The Ontario three year average for fund distribution is as follows: Research 49%, Community services 33%, Fundraising 12% and Administration 6%.

Anyway, if you see me, don't bring this up unless you really want to see my eyes well up with tears. I learned my lesson the hard way and I'm sorry, alright?


10:54 pm

Saturday, April 12, 2003

My Apologies

When that article came out in the Economist & Sun, I didn't read it at first simply because I didn't want to. I thought it would be weird and when I finally did read it, it was. For those of you who actually read that article, perhaps you noticed some things that weren't quite right. I sure did, and for the life of me, I don't know why it happened.

- I'm not the chairperson of the Classics Club, I'm simply an executive member.
- I'm not the editor of my school magazine this year, that was last year.
- I'm not part of the LEAD Program this year, that was three to two years ago.
- I did not chair the Cancer Campaign last year, that was two years ago.
- I didn't raise $8300 by myself, there was a committee of sixteen people and two hundred volunteers.

I am deeply sorry for these errors and I hope they have not offended anyone. My sincerest apologies...I didn't mean for this to happen.

11:31 am

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Procrastination

I'm working on a Classics assignment that was due on Tuesday. I know, I'm bad. But I talked to Jason for 2.5 hours the night before and by the time I got off the phone, I had lost any remnants of my will to do work.

I really have nothing to say, at least, nothing of interest. But I'm here anyway because this blog has become something like a child to me. Every now and then I check up on it to make sure it's still alive. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I can't wait to be a mother. Did I mention my cacti are going weird? I think I watered them too much and now it's growing grey bumps and fuzz. First, I kill a fish and now, I can't even take care of a plant. Me as a mother people, me as a mother....

I went to try on my dress again today, but it was definitely gone. Eileen told me that when she went to look at it, someone was at the counter purchasing a size 4. That's my size! That's my dress! You heard me, even though I have not paid for it and simply drooled over it, it's mine! Possessive much?

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

Thank you to everyone for your loving words as of late, although I may not be able to express my feelings so well, they mean a lot to me. Really.

10:15 pm

Monday, April 07, 2003

Honoured, To Say The Least

Miss Stankiewicz had been trying to contact me all of last week, but I missed a couple classes and she was ill for a few days too. Anyway, I got a hold of her today and as I'm heading to her office, I'm nervous because I have no idea what could be so important.

She tells me to sit down...she's smiling...this is good...?

7 minutes later, I'm walking out of her office with tears in my eyes, not because something horrible happened, but because I was so incredibly touched. Miss Stankiewicz had nominated me for the Celebrating Student Success Award; only one person from each school can be entered and I was it. She collected reference letters for me and sent them all in. The best part of the news was, I had also won the award.

I was speechless, to say the least. Incredibly touched. Honoured. And then I started to cry.

I have an interview this Thursday, another dinner/awards ceremony to attend, I get to be on a poster and in a video and...so many other things that I'm convinced I don't deserve. I'm happy, to say the least.

1:46 pm

Sunday, April 06, 2003

No Prom, No Problems

So I tried on the dress. And it fit. The sad part is...(you'll have to excuse my egotism here) I looked damn good. What's with that? Dresses never fit me, and they never look good! They're supposed to be too long and too big here and too tight there...but this one fit perfectly all over the place! It even made my chest bigger, my waist smaller, and my hips hippier. And I think, that maybe, just maybe, I looked taller. It was annoying, it really was. I was hoping that it would look awful so I could stop drooling over it, (egotism warning) but as I looked so damn good I guess it was meant to be. Still...should I pay $300 for it? Is fate worth that much?

I've decided this much though: I'm not wearing a duct tape dress. I'm sorry Sarah! I want the $2500, but I don't think I'm willing to (or have enough time to) put that much work into it.

The boyfriend and I are still trying to figure out how we can afford this...no limo (instead Greg's rusty Camry), no flowers (who wants to wear flowers on their wrist anyway?), I'll do my own make-up and borrow a curling iron to do my hair (at this length it'll cost an arm and a leg to get an updo).

Oy! I'm fussing! This is exactly why I didn't want to go to prom in the first place! No prom, no fuss, no headache.

9:26 pm

Saturday, April 05, 2003

Junior Citizens Of The Year

There's a 10 year old in Peterborough who filled 30 backpacks full of school supplies and donated them to the Children's Aid Foundation, an 11 year old in Belleville who has packed over 600 shoeboxes in the last two years and sent them to war-torn countries and an 8 year old from Kemptville who raised money to "buy" his friend a new heart when he found out she had a hole in hers. He then initiated a petition of 2500 names to oppose the moving of the cardiac unit from his local hospital and last year, he created Care Kits full of books, toys and games for children in the emergency ward of the hospital.

What was I doing when I was 8 years old? Picking my nose or something probably. Nothing that named me Junior Citizen of the Year. Maybe Junior Nose-Picker of the Year....

I spent all of yesterday being inspired by the aforementioned and a bunch of other students who have overcome diseases and/or handicaps or are just good kids who do good things. The goodness that filled that room last night almost made me cry...I felt that there had been some big mistake, that I shouldn't have been there with them...what did I do to deserve this?

A few of us were chatting late into the night and it was funny to find out that all of us felt the exact same way: that what we've done didn't deserve an award. It was always, "Look at what they did! What did I do?" I'm still trying to accept the fact that all of this has happened to me. It's not working very well.

I'm happy, inspired, admiring and deeply respecting everyone I met yesterday.
Thanks for making me want to be a better person.

3:16 pm

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Girl's Not Grey

Before I headed into work today, I stopped by at Laura Petites to check out my dream dress. It was even more beautiful than I remember. Pale pink with sheer black material overtop, empire waist, tie-up back, slim and flowy. It is the epitome of pretty. It reminds of the 1920s...so simple and elegant. Well, I mustered up the courage to go inside and look at the price tag. It seems as though this little piece of perfection will cost me $260...plus tax. How in the heck am I supposed to afford that?! My manager suggested that I use my Junior Citizen money to pay for it; dare I use that money to pay for a dress? I'll just wait a few weeks and maybe it'll go on sale. Subconciously, I hope that when I try it on I'll look absolutely AWFUL in it so that I don't have to keep wanting it.

I still haven't decided about the duct tape dress thing, and now I'm rethinking prom all over again. Sheri and I did some calculations since no one was buying our tea, and prom will cost me about $350. That's a month and a half of work. How is it that anyone goes to prom? How did I end up living in a society with so much excess?

Tomorrow I get a day off school (yay!) for my Junior Citizen thingy and although I am excited, I'm nervous. What do I wear?! I'm such a girl sometimes.

In the CD player: AFI, Sing the Sorrow (only $9.99 at MusicWorld!)
Keep listening at the end for wonderful hidden tracks. Beautiful stuff.

8:42 pm

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

The Bigger The Better

I was really excited about this piece of news, but I guess I was so excited that I just plain old forgot. Here it is in all its glory:

So it looks like size does matter after all. I was getting the mail a few days ago and this huge package is almost exploding out of my mailbox. It was from Laurier, and in the corner was printed Your offer of admission. Whoa! Early admission! I didn't think I was good enough for one of those. Seriously. I was worried about getting in...anywhere. But now it seems that I do have a future after all. It said so in the letter.

And so, I have the super-exciting task of filling out residence forms and checking off boxes and reading stuff and mailing cheques. Whoo hoo!

7:58 pm

Back To Bloggin'

I tried this yesterday and my sillysilly computer decided to eat my internet connection and not let me post my hugely long entry. It was really long! And when it was gone it made me sad.

Anyhoo, the boyfriend made a new addition to my room: cacti. That's right, I wished for something and he was wonderful enough to remember and go out and buy it! It's perfect; all prickly with that red bump and all. Right after that, we went to Claire's and I bought 10 pairs of earrings. It was a stress reliever.

And on other news, Jason is officially an idiot. Click here to read his post on April Fool's Day (scroll down to the bottom, it starts with "Dear Everyone..."). It freaked me right out and I started imagining myself hitchhiking to Waterloo to beg him to stay. Now that I know he's a a big loserstupidhead, he can go join any darn monastery he wants.

Should I be Stuck At Prom with a duct tape prom dress? I've been thinking about it for months, and finally agreed last week. It'll be tres cool. But then...I was at the mall...and well, I saw this dress! And it was beautiful! And it made me think about changing my mind about the duct tape...oh geez. Do I really want a duct tape dress? What do you think?

7:24 pm